Friday, January 24, 2014

the waiting game


oh the waiting game. you didn't prepare for this. you thought, your due date would come, and so would your baby. simple as that. all the long walks, eating spicy foods, walking on the curb, bouncing on an exercise ball, eating pineapple, rubbing your belly in a clockwise direction during a full moon, massaging the pressure points on your feet and ankles would do the trick for sure, but nope. i was in denial last week as my due date approached. i even tweeted... "the whole 'your baby will come when he's ready' talk is crap! he needs to come this week!" i was pretty sure that everything i was doing would get him here on time. oh silly me. 

when he didn't make his big debut on his due date, my doctor suggested setting up a date to be induced. i mean this little chubby babe wasn't getting any smaller. i didn't want to be induced, but after much debate i felt ok about it and scheduled the appointment. that day came, and i spent my time cleaning my apartment. making sure the laundry was all washed, dishes were clean, bed was made. it was nice. we left the house, and grabbed one "last" dinner together at cheesecake factory. it was a perfect night. we arrived at the hospital to check in to find that they received a number of women in labor and that they were short on nurses for the night, so we would not be admitted. i was crushed. i was mentally prepared for this. had my pep talk, was feeling calm and ready to push a human out! 
we tried to distract ourselves by going to see a movie, and i ended up sobbing through most of it when we found out it was going to be days before we could get back on the schedule. 
the next day was rough for me. instead of waking up in a hospital room knowing i could be holding my baby in just a matter of hours, i woke up in my same ole room. sad at the thought i would have to make my bed again. let me tell you, these overdue pregnancy emotions are rough. i kept trying to fight them and tell myself there is a reason this happened, it just wasn't time, he wasn't ready. it didn't help. 

i finally decided to let loose and just cry it out. and boy did i cry... everything seemed to make me cry that day. my sister in law sent me a picture of the flowers she bought for me, bawled. my pot of water boiled over, and that meant i had to clean my stove again, sobbed. looked down to see my pedicure was fading and my nail Polish was chipping, so many tears. i knew it was all silly things to be so upset about, but i didn't care. i needed to let it out. i was supposed to be holding my own little child in my arms today, and nothing was going to make it any better. i think i cried so much it was physically impossible to cry any more. which was great! i finally was able to move on, and get back to focusing on the good. i feel amazing, i'm not terribly uncomfortable or in dying pain. i guess a few more days gives me the opportunity to do a few more things i didn't get done. 
now i'm unsure of the reason why we weren't supposed to go in that night to be induced, and who knows if i will ever know. but i do feel comfort in knowing that god knows, and I have to trust him. maybe ollie will come on his own before saturday night, and i just needed to learn a little more about patient. besides, this whole thing doesn't even feel real yet. how am i getting a baby out of this? you think 41 weeks is a long time to prepare yourself, but i feel like it's flashed before my eyes. i'm so glad i've felt peace these last few days, and i know i can make it a few more. i have high respect for those women who go 2-3 weeks overdue before their baby comes, or they end up getting induced. 
the thing i learned this week (and it was very hard for me to admit), is that they really won't come until they are ready. yes, they may need some help if they aren't coming on their own, or risks are involved. but we have to find ways to accept it and enjoy those last few days of peace and quiet. my way was to cry until i couldn't cry anymore. and it worked for me! i feel great now, try it! trusting in god that he knows what is going to be best. when i made the decision to be induced i said a prayer and said if there is any reason i should not be induced, please let something stop me. at the time i knew that's what was happening when we were turned away, but all i really wanted was to see and hold my baby. hopefully nothing stops us this weekend when we go in for attempt number 2, or else i may need another cry day. in the end, i know my baby is coming. one way or another he will be here so soon and that is all that matters! 

my advice to those who are pregnant... (especially if you are a first time mom)
do not plan on your baby coming on/before your due date. just plan on going 2 weeks over and if you magically go into labor before than, you'll be pleasantly surprised! haha but seriously. it's a mental battle, and each day overdue can feel forever long. and it's ok to cry and let out your emotions. like i said, cry until you can't cry anymore. you'll feel so much better after! be lucky you are overdue, that your little one is gaining some chubby cheeks. i feel so grateful my baby was not born early, and there is a good chance i will be able to hold him right away and take him home as soon as i can with no nicu time needed. it's a crazy world out there, can you blame your baby for wanting to stay inside where it's safe and warm and they don't have to deal with the scary world? this is the time you will have the least amount of worry for your baby. they are cozy and content. soak up every last minute you have to mentally prepare yourself for what's about to happen next. i feel like i need it. even though i've read about a million birth stories and what to expect, i have no idea what it's going to be like for me. and how my body will do. but each day i get more and more ready to do this. i can do this, my body was made to do this. 
I GOT THIS. BRING IT ON!

2 comments:

  1. Court, I think you are absolutely right in thinking there was a reason you have had to wait. Somehow it always seems to work out no matter how hard it is at the time! Ah can't wait for you to be a new mommy and hold that little one for the first time!

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  2. Hang in there and cry as often as needed! :) Can't wait to meet your little guy... he'll come at the perfect time for you and when it's all over you will know that it was the right time. Hugs!

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